Stephanie shares her testimony

Recently, we were challenged in Sunday School class to share out testimonies with each other - the then, how and now of the journey we've taken to our walk with the Lord. As our class was filled with heartfelt, sincere testimonies this morning, it seemed every time I was about to raise my hand and share my own story, someone else had that same desire and our time ran out in class. Each testimony was so powerful and I believe every heart in that room was touched by each story that was shared. I decided to give my testimony here in this forum and pray it touches a heart somewhere in the same way my church family and friends' messages bore deep into my own heart today.
The Then:
I was blessed to have been brought up in a loving, Christian home with both parents. I couldn't have been more blessed than to have been given the gift of the mother and father I have. They have always tried to instill in myself and my two sisters right and wrong, have always been there to love and support us, and, more importantly, taught us that God had sent His only Son to die for me - not for anything He had done wrong, but for all the sin l'd ever or will ever commit. My grandfather was also a Southern Baptist minister and even when going to the Cincinnati area to see him and my grandmother for holidays, etc., we were taken to church there as well and I can remember my grandmother always having leftover crafts and projects from Vacation Bible School saved back for my sisters and I to do while we were visiting. Of course, when we were there visiting, I wanted to go in my Granny's Sunday School class to hear her teach about Jesus. It was there she told the class that you could ask Jesus for anything and He would always help you. After her lesson was over, she asked if any of us would like to pray and ask Jesus to help us with something that was hard for us to do by ourselves. She still laughs to this day about my prayer that day, as it went something like this......"Dear Jesus, thank you for all you've given me, my family, my toys. Please help me to share them with other kids...........but, I'm not sharing my lipstick!" LOL Ahhhhhh, kids - gotta love 'em!
The How:
It's hard for me to remember "the then" per se, because I was so young when I was saved, but I definitely remember the "how". Yes, Vacation Bible School - an important part of my summers as a child, for it was there that I accepted Christ as my Savior at 8-years-old. I remember the teacher telling a familiar story of how Jesus died so I could go to Heaven and thinking how beautiful it sounded when she described the streets of gold. I knew I wanted to go there and I knew I felt very sorry for the sins I'd committed and that I wanted to live like Jesus wanted me to live and that's where my journey really started. We moved from the Detroit, Michigan area back to my dad's hometown in Virginia and started going to Bethany Bible Church - a church my grandfather had pastured years before and had actually laid the first cinder block on the foundation and it still stands today. I was baptized at age 12 in the Knox River in Hurley, Virginia. I was one of the lucky ones whose mom and dad continued to take me to church growing up and teaching me along the way with their example, nightly family devotions and their love, helping me to grow along the way. I don't ever remember a Christmas Eve (when my family celebrates) that went by that the Christmas story from the Bible wasn't read before we opened any gifts so that we always remembered the real meaning behind the holiday. I grew up, married and had children of my own. I took them to church and taught them about God as well. I look back at that now as I write this and am ashamed that I didn't keep the faith that 8-year-old little girl had then through my entire life. You see, I had been born again and Satan hated that. Things started spiraling downward in my marriage and after 16 years, a divorce came. I continued to pray and ask God to help me be the mother I should be and to help me take care of my children since our whole family dynamic had changed. I continued in Church, but suffered some things in silence that I just didn't want to talk about with others at the time. Due to that, I think I was already falling into a "funk", if you will and missing services seemed to get easier and easier. Then, some things started happening in the church I was in that I just didn't agree with and didn't understand. Of course, now I know Satan was at hand and I gave him exactly what he was looking for - I gave up on church and everything that came with it. I decided if that's what church is, I'm better off by myself on my own and I'd stay home and read my Bible (when it suited me) and watch a TV evangelist and I'd be fine. Well, was I ever wrong! I was missing getting God's Word from someone who understood it better than I do and I missed the love and fellowship that I had once had. Sure, I fooled myself into believing that everything was fine and I was having a good time, so it didn't matter. I started dating again and made some bad decisions in that department as well and pretty much lived my life for me and allowed no room for church or God in my life. I had become so bitter that, looking back now, it shocks even me. Well, I stayed away from church for a number of years and it wasn't any one thing that made me go, "You know what, Steph? You need to get back where you belong." No, no clear and major revelation for me, just a gentle tugging that kept telling me, "You know what's missing. So, when are you going to do something about it?" knew for a long time what that something was, but I chose to ignore God's whisper and he let me make (and learn) from my mistakes like a good Father does sometimes. I continued to make some poor choices and to be as stubborn as I could be, but I knew deep inside it was a matter of time before I'd answer God's call - I didn't know when or how, but I could feel it coming. I had since remarried in August, 2006 to my wonderful husband, Richard. He's a Christian as well and we had talked a lot about going back to church, but just hadn't gotten up and gone. Oh, we had many conversations about it and every excuse not to - "I'm so tired", "I just don't want to set myself up for the hurt in church like before"; "Who needs it?" Well, I can tell you who needed it and needs it now - ME!!!! And to say I was tired? How lame is that? What if Jesus had been too tired to carry the cross of Calvary with the weight of the world's sin on it for me as they whipped him up the mountain, spat on him, crowned him with thorns and speared his side? Tired, Steph? REALLY???!!!! And yet, realizing all that, I still didn't make the move.
That when and how, was Pastor Tom McCracken and Pastor Dan Carawan. Pastor Tom and I had been friends for years as I had been a parishioner at a former church he pastured. We reconnected on Facebook (yes, God does use technology) and after some back and forth emails, he and Pastor Dan set up a time to come and meet with Richard and I. After some heartfelt conversation and prayer, I told them I'd pray about it and think about it and when I decided I could come back with 100% commitment, I'd go to church then. Well, that only took me about a week and a half and I went and tried CommUNITY Church. Wow, what a difference! I felt so loved and so welcomed and, surprisingly, so many people came up and welcomed us and I actually felt like they were sincere!!!! I was amazed at the amount of warmth and love I felt.
Well, though I had been a Christian for most of my life, I was one who had fallen terribly off the path that the Lord would have me walking. Thanks to the aforementioned Pastors being tools in God's hand to speak to me, I went to church and actually felt excited to start being a part of a church family again.
The Now:
Now, as I sit here and write this testimony, I can truly say I'm happier in church than I can ever remember being in my life. Mind you when I say "church", I mean the people there. When you say the word, a lot of people think of a building, but a church is not a building at all. It's the people inside it who love, support, and embraces and welcomes you. It's the people who help me understand things about God's Word when I don't sometimes on my own. It's the people who inspire me with their own testimonies and encourage me every day. It's the people who my husband and I have found a family in and, finally, a church that we call "home".
Now, I can thank God for each thing in my life - the good and the bad. Sometimes, He blesses me with wonderful things, tangible or not; sometimes, He has let me struggle along the way as well, not to hurt me, but to teach me and to make me stronger. Funny, the moments in my life that I thought were the worst have also helped define who I am, given me that strength and then allowed me to share something with others about that - something to help them. I now understand that even those things, God has given me so I could help someone else in a similar situation because He's ultimately in control of it all and knows how best to let things happen, even when I don't understand.
The one thing I am certain of though, is that when I leave this earth, I will get to meet Jesus face to face and thank Him for all He's given me; most of all, for giving His life so that I can have mine. I pray anyone reading this won't make the mistakes I've made in my life, but that instead you trust God completely and wholeheartedly. I had to learn the hard way that if I can trust God with my soul, I can surely trust Him with my heart. I thank Him for everything, but most of all for my salvation and for sending Pastors Tom and Dan to see us last year because now I truly have a church family and recognize my reason to get up every morning - to live for Him!
Stephanie Doss