Thursday, June 2, 2011
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Stephanie shares her testimony
Recently, we were challenged in Sunday School class to share out testimonies with each other - the then, how and now of the journey we've taken to our walk with the Lord. As our class was filled with heartfelt, sincere testimonies this morning, it seemed every time I was about to raise my hand and share my own story, someone else had that same desire and our time ran out in class. Each testimony was so powerful and I believe every heart in that room was touched by each story that was shared. I decided to give my testimony here in this forum and pray it touches a heart somewhere in the same way my church family and friends' messages bore deep into my own heart today.
The Then:
I was blessed to have been brought up in a loving, Christian home with both parents. I couldn't have been more blessed than to have been given the gift of the mother and father I have. They have always tried to instill in myself and my two sisters right and wrong, have always been there to love and support us, and, more importantly, taught us that God had sent His only Son to die for me - not for anything He had done wrong, but for all the sin l'd ever or will ever commit. My grandfather was also a Southern Baptist minister and even when going to the Cincinnati area to see him and my grandmother for holidays, etc., we were taken to church there as well and I can remember my grandmother always having leftover crafts and projects from Vacation Bible School saved back for my sisters and I to do while we were visiting. Of course, when we were there visiting, I wanted to go in my Granny's Sunday School class to hear her teach about Jesus. It was there she told the class that you could ask Jesus for anything and He would always help you. After her lesson was over, she asked if any of us would like to pray and ask Jesus to help us with something that was hard for us to do by ourselves. She still laughs to this day about my prayer that day, as it went something like this......"Dear Jesus, thank you for all you've given me, my family, my toys. Please help me to share them with other kids...........but, I'm not sharing my lipstick!" LOL Ahhhhhh, kids - gotta love 'em!
The How:
It's hard for me to remember "the then" per se, because I was so young when I was saved, but I definitely remember the "how". Yes, Vacation Bible School - an important part of my summers as a child, for it was there that I accepted Christ as my Savior at 8-years-old. I remember the teacher telling a familiar story of how Jesus died so I could go to Heaven and thinking how beautiful it sounded when she described the streets of gold. I knew I wanted to go there and I knew I felt very sorry for the sins I'd committed and that I wanted to live like Jesus wanted me to live and that's where my journey really started. We moved from the Detroit, Michigan area back to my dad's hometown in Virginia and started going to Bethany Bible Church - a church my grandfather had pastured years before and had actually laid the first cinder block on the foundation and it still stands today. I was baptized at age 12 in the Knox River in Hurley, Virginia. I was one of the lucky ones whose mom and dad continued to take me to church growing up and teaching me along the way with their example, nightly family devotions and their love, helping me to grow along the way. I don't ever remember a Christmas Eve (when my family celebrates) that went by that the Christmas story from the Bible wasn't read before we opened any gifts so that we always remembered the real meaning behind the holiday. I grew up, married and had children of my own. I took them to church and taught them about God as well. I look back at that now as I write this and am ashamed that I didn't keep the faith that 8-year-old little girl had then through my entire life. You see, I had been born again and Satan hated that. Things started spiraling downward in my marriage and after 16 years, a divorce came. I continued to pray and ask God to help me be the mother I should be and to help me take care of my children since our whole family dynamic had changed. I continued in Church, but suffered some things in silence that I just didn't want to talk about with others at the time. Due to that, I think I was already falling into a "funk", if you will and missing services seemed to get easier and easier. Then, some things started happening in the church I was in that I just didn't agree with and didn't understand. Of course, now I know Satan was at hand and I gave him exactly what he was looking for - I gave up on church and everything that came with it. I decided if that's what church is, I'm better off by myself on my own and I'd stay home and read my Bible (when it suited me) and watch a TV evangelist and I'd be fine. Well, was I ever wrong! I was missing getting God's Word from someone who understood it better than I do and I missed the love and fellowship that I had once had. Sure, I fooled myself into believing that everything was fine and I was having a good time, so it didn't matter. I started dating again and made some bad decisions in that department as well and pretty much lived my life for me and allowed no room for church or God in my life. I had become so bitter that, looking back now, it shocks even me. Well, I stayed away from church for a number of years and it wasn't any one thing that made me go, "You know what, Steph? You need to get back where you belong." No, no clear and major revelation for me, just a gentle tugging that kept telling me, "You know what's missing. So, when are you going to do something about it?" knew for a long time what that something was, but I chose to ignore God's whisper and he let me make (and learn) from my mistakes like a good Father does sometimes. I continued to make some poor choices and to be as stubborn as I could be, but I knew deep inside it was a matter of time before I'd answer God's call - I didn't know when or how, but I could feel it coming. I had since remarried in August, 2006 to my wonderful husband, Richard. He's a Christian as well and we had talked a lot about going back to church, but just hadn't gotten up and gone. Oh, we had many conversations about it and every excuse not to - "I'm so tired", "I just don't want to set myself up for the hurt in church like before"; "Who needs it?" Well, I can tell you who needed it and needs it now - ME!!!! And to say I was tired? How lame is that? What if Jesus had been too tired to carry the cross of Calvary with the weight of the world's sin on it for me as they whipped him up the mountain, spat on him, crowned him with thorns and speared his side? Tired, Steph? REALLY???!!!! And yet, realizing all that, I still didn't make the move.
That when and how, was Pastor Tom McCracken and Pastor Dan Carawan. Pastor Tom and I had been friends for years as I had been a parishioner at a former church he pastured. We reconnected on Facebook (yes, God does use technology) and after some back and forth emails, he and Pastor Dan set up a time to come and meet with Richard and I. After some heartfelt conversation and prayer, I told them I'd pray about it and think about it and when I decided I could come back with 100% commitment, I'd go to church then. Well, that only took me about a week and a half and I went and tried CommUNITY Church. Wow, what a difference! I felt so loved and so welcomed and, surprisingly, so many people came up and welcomed us and I actually felt like they were sincere!!!! I was amazed at the amount of warmth and love I felt.
Well, though I had been a Christian for most of my life, I was one who had fallen terribly off the path that the Lord would have me walking. Thanks to the aforementioned Pastors being tools in God's hand to speak to me, I went to church and actually felt excited to start being a part of a church family again.
The Now:
Now, as I sit here and write this testimony, I can truly say I'm happier in church than I can ever remember being in my life. Mind you when I say "church", I mean the people there. When you say the word, a lot of people think of a building, but a church is not a building at all. It's the people inside it who love, support, and embraces and welcomes you. It's the people who help me understand things about God's Word when I don't sometimes on my own. It's the people who inspire me with their own testimonies and encourage me every day. It's the people who my husband and I have found a family in and, finally, a church that we call "home".
Now, I can thank God for each thing in my life - the good and the bad. Sometimes, He blesses me with wonderful things, tangible or not; sometimes, He has let me struggle along the way as well, not to hurt me, but to teach me and to make me stronger. Funny, the moments in my life that I thought were the worst have also helped define who I am, given me that strength and then allowed me to share something with others about that - something to help them. I now understand that even those things, God has given me so I could help someone else in a similar situation because He's ultimately in control of it all and knows how best to let things happen, even when I don't understand.
The one thing I am certain of though, is that when I leave this earth, I will get to meet Jesus face to face and thank Him for all He's given me; most of all, for giving His life so that I can have mine. I pray anyone reading this won't make the mistakes I've made in my life, but that instead you trust God completely and wholeheartedly. I had to learn the hard way that if I can trust God with my soul, I can surely trust Him with my heart. I thank Him for everything, but most of all for my salvation and for sending Pastors Tom and Dan to see us last year because now I truly have a church family and recognize my reason to get up every morning - to live for Him!
Stephanie Doss
The Then:
I was blessed to have been brought up in a loving, Christian home with both parents. I couldn't have been more blessed than to have been given the gift of the mother and father I have. They have always tried to instill in myself and my two sisters right and wrong, have always been there to love and support us, and, more importantly, taught us that God had sent His only Son to die for me - not for anything He had done wrong, but for all the sin l'd ever or will ever commit. My grandfather was also a Southern Baptist minister and even when going to the Cincinnati area to see him and my grandmother for holidays, etc., we were taken to church there as well and I can remember my grandmother always having leftover crafts and projects from Vacation Bible School saved back for my sisters and I to do while we were visiting. Of course, when we were there visiting, I wanted to go in my Granny's Sunday School class to hear her teach about Jesus. It was there she told the class that you could ask Jesus for anything and He would always help you. After her lesson was over, she asked if any of us would like to pray and ask Jesus to help us with something that was hard for us to do by ourselves. She still laughs to this day about my prayer that day, as it went something like this......"Dear Jesus, thank you for all you've given me, my family, my toys. Please help me to share them with other kids...........but, I'm not sharing my lipstick!" LOL Ahhhhhh, kids - gotta love 'em!
The How:
It's hard for me to remember "the then" per se, because I was so young when I was saved, but I definitely remember the "how". Yes, Vacation Bible School - an important part of my summers as a child, for it was there that I accepted Christ as my Savior at 8-years-old. I remember the teacher telling a familiar story of how Jesus died so I could go to Heaven and thinking how beautiful it sounded when she described the streets of gold. I knew I wanted to go there and I knew I felt very sorry for the sins I'd committed and that I wanted to live like Jesus wanted me to live and that's where my journey really started. We moved from the Detroit, Michigan area back to my dad's hometown in Virginia and started going to Bethany Bible Church - a church my grandfather had pastured years before and had actually laid the first cinder block on the foundation and it still stands today. I was baptized at age 12 in the Knox River in Hurley, Virginia. I was one of the lucky ones whose mom and dad continued to take me to church growing up and teaching me along the way with their example, nightly family devotions and their love, helping me to grow along the way. I don't ever remember a Christmas Eve (when my family celebrates) that went by that the Christmas story from the Bible wasn't read before we opened any gifts so that we always remembered the real meaning behind the holiday. I grew up, married and had children of my own. I took them to church and taught them about God as well. I look back at that now as I write this and am ashamed that I didn't keep the faith that 8-year-old little girl had then through my entire life. You see, I had been born again and Satan hated that. Things started spiraling downward in my marriage and after 16 years, a divorce came. I continued to pray and ask God to help me be the mother I should be and to help me take care of my children since our whole family dynamic had changed. I continued in Church, but suffered some things in silence that I just didn't want to talk about with others at the time. Due to that, I think I was already falling into a "funk", if you will and missing services seemed to get easier and easier. Then, some things started happening in the church I was in that I just didn't agree with and didn't understand. Of course, now I know Satan was at hand and I gave him exactly what he was looking for - I gave up on church and everything that came with it. I decided if that's what church is, I'm better off by myself on my own and I'd stay home and read my Bible (when it suited me) and watch a TV evangelist and I'd be fine. Well, was I ever wrong! I was missing getting God's Word from someone who understood it better than I do and I missed the love and fellowship that I had once had. Sure, I fooled myself into believing that everything was fine and I was having a good time, so it didn't matter. I started dating again and made some bad decisions in that department as well and pretty much lived my life for me and allowed no room for church or God in my life. I had become so bitter that, looking back now, it shocks even me. Well, I stayed away from church for a number of years and it wasn't any one thing that made me go, "You know what, Steph? You need to get back where you belong." No, no clear and major revelation for me, just a gentle tugging that kept telling me, "You know what's missing. So, when are you going to do something about it?" knew for a long time what that something was, but I chose to ignore God's whisper and he let me make (and learn) from my mistakes like a good Father does sometimes. I continued to make some poor choices and to be as stubborn as I could be, but I knew deep inside it was a matter of time before I'd answer God's call - I didn't know when or how, but I could feel it coming. I had since remarried in August, 2006 to my wonderful husband, Richard. He's a Christian as well and we had talked a lot about going back to church, but just hadn't gotten up and gone. Oh, we had many conversations about it and every excuse not to - "I'm so tired", "I just don't want to set myself up for the hurt in church like before"; "Who needs it?" Well, I can tell you who needed it and needs it now - ME!!!! And to say I was tired? How lame is that? What if Jesus had been too tired to carry the cross of Calvary with the weight of the world's sin on it for me as they whipped him up the mountain, spat on him, crowned him with thorns and speared his side? Tired, Steph? REALLY???!!!! And yet, realizing all that, I still didn't make the move.
That when and how, was Pastor Tom McCracken and Pastor Dan Carawan. Pastor Tom and I had been friends for years as I had been a parishioner at a former church he pastured. We reconnected on Facebook (yes, God does use technology) and after some back and forth emails, he and Pastor Dan set up a time to come and meet with Richard and I. After some heartfelt conversation and prayer, I told them I'd pray about it and think about it and when I decided I could come back with 100% commitment, I'd go to church then. Well, that only took me about a week and a half and I went and tried CommUNITY Church. Wow, what a difference! I felt so loved and so welcomed and, surprisingly, so many people came up and welcomed us and I actually felt like they were sincere!!!! I was amazed at the amount of warmth and love I felt.
Well, though I had been a Christian for most of my life, I was one who had fallen terribly off the path that the Lord would have me walking. Thanks to the aforementioned Pastors being tools in God's hand to speak to me, I went to church and actually felt excited to start being a part of a church family again.
The Now:
Now, as I sit here and write this testimony, I can truly say I'm happier in church than I can ever remember being in my life. Mind you when I say "church", I mean the people there. When you say the word, a lot of people think of a building, but a church is not a building at all. It's the people inside it who love, support, and embraces and welcomes you. It's the people who help me understand things about God's Word when I don't sometimes on my own. It's the people who inspire me with their own testimonies and encourage me every day. It's the people who my husband and I have found a family in and, finally, a church that we call "home".
Now, I can thank God for each thing in my life - the good and the bad. Sometimes, He blesses me with wonderful things, tangible or not; sometimes, He has let me struggle along the way as well, not to hurt me, but to teach me and to make me stronger. Funny, the moments in my life that I thought were the worst have also helped define who I am, given me that strength and then allowed me to share something with others about that - something to help them. I now understand that even those things, God has given me so I could help someone else in a similar situation because He's ultimately in control of it all and knows how best to let things happen, even when I don't understand.
The one thing I am certain of though, is that when I leave this earth, I will get to meet Jesus face to face and thank Him for all He's given me; most of all, for giving His life so that I can have mine. I pray anyone reading this won't make the mistakes I've made in my life, but that instead you trust God completely and wholeheartedly. I had to learn the hard way that if I can trust God with my soul, I can surely trust Him with my heart. I thank Him for everything, but most of all for my salvation and for sending Pastors Tom and Dan to see us last year because now I truly have a church family and recognize my reason to get up every morning - to live for Him!
Stephanie Doss
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Testimony #1 (somebody's gotta be first)
Jack Daniels Carawan Jr.
Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Pastor, Student, Saved by Grace
I’ve written and told my testimony so many times that it’s hard to know where to start. It’s hard to know how much to share and how much to withhold depending on the audience. I suppose in a case like this, the obvious is to share the whole enchilada. I will try to divide this up into the pertinent time intervals as they relate to the story. Here goes!
Searching
When I was very young, I used to open up the family Bible which sat on the coffee table and look at the magnificent pictures inside. There were black and white master pieces of famous art. I can remember Samson pushing apart the pillars in the Philistine temple. Of course I didn’t know back then what the pictures were all about and no one in my family did either. There was a picture of an angel that fascinated me. One time I asked my mother or my sister to "read a story to me out of this book" but they were busy.
I can remember lying in bed at night at the age of 13, crying because I was lonely in my heart. I knew that there must be more to life than what I was seeing and learning about. I had this unquenched desire for someone or something that would validate my life. I didn’t understand it and I couldn’t explain it. You see I did not know anything about God or church or the Bible. I had never been to church and my parents (although they were good and righteous people) did not talk about God. I was not abused or ill treated. I was lonely for something or someone.
I went to a Christian summer camp and I was totally out of place and confused. One night early in the week, they gathered all of the boys around a campfire. I remember that the leaders were really excited about a book that they were giving us. It was titled "Good News For Modern Man". They asked all of the boys to turn to John 3:16. Since I had never been taught anything about a Bible I raised my hand innocently (and somewhat distraught) and said; "I didn’t get that book, I only got this one", raising up the paper back New Testament. Some of the boys snickered and one of the counselors found the place for me and handed the Bible back. I never heard a word they said that night due to my embarrassment. I kept that Bible in the top drawer of my dresser for a couple of years until I was encouraged to read it by my 9th Grade English teacher. Her tenderness and awareness of my searching led me to ask Christ into my heart. I was on the phone one night to her (Janice Mims) and told her that I was ready to ask Jesus into my heart. She reminded me of what to say and asked if I had any questions (she had already answered them after class, at her own peril). My mother called out to me to get in the shower and get ready for school the next day. I said good-bye and climbed into the shower. I confessed my sins and asked Jesus into my heart. It was a very emotional experience for me. I know that it is not like that for everyone but God must have known that I needed that. I cried and washed as God washed away my sins. That was 10pm on Oct. 10th 1972.
Babe in Christ
I followed Jesus with the zeal of every new believer. I was a Jesus Freak! I went to Jesus Fest 73 in Penn. I was mentored by Chuck Harrison (now a Pastor in Va.) and I was involved in B.A.S.I.C. (Brothers and Sisters in Christ). I read my Bible, joined 1st Baptist Church of Norfolk where my English teachers husband, Rev. Paul Mims was Pastor. I received my calling to be a Pastor in the 1st year of my salvation. I met Alicia Biggs there and later married her.
Prodigal Son
But High School can take its toll on a young Christian and I was no exception. I got involved in drugs and alcohol, like many do. I was very active sexually. My neighborhood friends rode Harleys and my closest buds drove custom vans. The scene in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", where the main characters spill out of the side of a van along with excessive amounts of marijuana smoke was like a page out of my life. I married Alicia and we had a beautiful son "Christopher Ryan Carawan". The problems that we faced in our marriage were the typical ones that most couples face, money, commitment, time, jobs, immaturity… Our marriage didn’t survive and we later divorced. We never made Christ the "Center" of our marriage. We both knew Him but we were not sold out for Him. After the nightmare of divorce and all that it does to a person, I was bitter, drugged out and, anxious to take it out on every woman I could. I bought my first Harley and began selling Pot. I later began to sell Coke for a little while and made deliveries from my Harley. I carried a Glock in my vest, a .25 in my boot, a boot knife in the other, a switchblade in my pocket and a butterfly knife in my back pocket. I was armed and dangerous (mostly to myself!). I worked for several companies and did a descent job but I was never satisfied. This miserable state of affairs went on for some time. I lived in an apartment a block off the beach in Ocean View (Norfolk, Va.). There I met some great people, mostly Navy wives as the husbands were on extended overseas duty. Later I lived with a woman for a while there in O.V., that didn’t work either. I was searching for my heart and not finding it. That was about the time I went to work for Boddie-Noell, more commonly recognized as "Hardee’s" restaurants. I was a "Fast Track" manager and met Ellen Hardy there. Ellen was one of the corporate trainers. We fell in love and began a long distance relationship because at that time she lived in Rocky Mount NC. After about a year, we got married and were living in Roanoke, Va. Moving away from all of the influences on my life in Norfolk was a great move. I began to clean up my act for the sake of our marriage as God gently worked on my heart. Little did I know that God was working on Ellen’s heart too! She was a born-again Christian who was not walking with the Lord either. The thing is, neither of us had talked to one another about Jesus!
God Gets My Attention
Ellen and I were talking about having a baby. She felt as if something were missing in her life and thought that it was a baby. I said that if we had a baby, it would change everything. It would be a good change, but it would change. My son Chris was living with his mom and so this was a difficult venture for me. I missed him and loved him and now we were looking at having a child of our own. This is where Ellen and I look back and see God’s hand in our lives, moving us closer to Him and to each other. We got pregnant and then had a miscarriage. This was of course a heart breaking matter, each of us secretly wondering if God were punishing us for our lifestyles. Ellen became pregnant again and once again miscarried. The third miscarriage resulted in a mishap in the operating room during the DNC. The doctor had punctured her uterine wall and of necessity had to call in a specialist. Mean while, I was unaware of what was going on but I was panicked over the extreme length of time this was all taking. I was praying and promising hard to God. The concern was a possibility of punctured bowl. They in essence, removed and examined all of her bowl and then replaced it and sowed her up. Due to this operation, Ellen was laid up recovering for 8 weeks. Many months later, Ellen shared with me that God had revealed to her that it was not a baby missing in her life, it was Him.
Separately, we both prayed to God that if He would grant us this child, we would raise that child in a Christian home. We were committed to being committed to God. So we now have a beautiful daughter by the name of Kayla. She has the most incredible copper/red hair and hazel eyes. She is 13years old now and she loves God. It is true that God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts. If we seek Him earnestly, we will find Him. If we don’t want anything to do with Him, He will grant that to us also.
Sold Out Jesus Freak
In seeking God with our whole hearts we have found peace, joy, satisfaction and completeness. God has used us in the church and He has used us in the community as His witnesses. We are sold out, on fire, committed, dedicated, died in the wool, born again, evangelical, conservative, fundamental, Southern Baptists.
Vocation And Education
When we made the decision to commit our lives to Christ completely I also gave into the calling to serve Him vocationally full time. But God has a wonderful sense of timing and humor. I had made Him wait for years and so now it was His turn! I begged and pleaded, I petitioned and asked others to petition on my behalf for Him to free me from secular employment and enter into a seminary. He closed the door on every institute of higher education that I sought until I tried Liberty University. God made everything fall into place, from books, to car, to mileage, to job. Jesus has been so very good to us. He meets our needs in every way and we love Him. I am the Associate Pastor of CommUNITY Church in Salem VA and Asst. Manager at LifeWay Christian Bookstore in Roanoke VA.
Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us to be able to spend eternity with Him in heaven. We have the freedom to accept this precious gift of eternal life which is only available through the shed blood of Jesus, or we can reject Him. Rejecting Jesus is the only unpardonable sin.
What will you do with Jesus?
Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Pastor, Student, Saved by Grace
I’ve written and told my testimony so many times that it’s hard to know where to start. It’s hard to know how much to share and how much to withhold depending on the audience. I suppose in a case like this, the obvious is to share the whole enchilada. I will try to divide this up into the pertinent time intervals as they relate to the story. Here goes!
Searching
When I was very young, I used to open up the family Bible which sat on the coffee table and look at the magnificent pictures inside. There were black and white master pieces of famous art. I can remember Samson pushing apart the pillars in the Philistine temple. Of course I didn’t know back then what the pictures were all about and no one in my family did either. There was a picture of an angel that fascinated me. One time I asked my mother or my sister to "read a story to me out of this book" but they were busy.
I can remember lying in bed at night at the age of 13, crying because I was lonely in my heart. I knew that there must be more to life than what I was seeing and learning about. I had this unquenched desire for someone or something that would validate my life. I didn’t understand it and I couldn’t explain it. You see I did not know anything about God or church or the Bible. I had never been to church and my parents (although they were good and righteous people) did not talk about God. I was not abused or ill treated. I was lonely for something or someone.
I went to a Christian summer camp and I was totally out of place and confused. One night early in the week, they gathered all of the boys around a campfire. I remember that the leaders were really excited about a book that they were giving us. It was titled "Good News For Modern Man". They asked all of the boys to turn to John 3:16. Since I had never been taught anything about a Bible I raised my hand innocently (and somewhat distraught) and said; "I didn’t get that book, I only got this one", raising up the paper back New Testament. Some of the boys snickered and one of the counselors found the place for me and handed the Bible back. I never heard a word they said that night due to my embarrassment. I kept that Bible in the top drawer of my dresser for a couple of years until I was encouraged to read it by my 9th Grade English teacher. Her tenderness and awareness of my searching led me to ask Christ into my heart. I was on the phone one night to her (Janice Mims) and told her that I was ready to ask Jesus into my heart. She reminded me of what to say and asked if I had any questions (she had already answered them after class, at her own peril). My mother called out to me to get in the shower and get ready for school the next day. I said good-bye and climbed into the shower. I confessed my sins and asked Jesus into my heart. It was a very emotional experience for me. I know that it is not like that for everyone but God must have known that I needed that. I cried and washed as God washed away my sins. That was 10pm on Oct. 10th 1972.
Babe in Christ
I followed Jesus with the zeal of every new believer. I was a Jesus Freak! I went to Jesus Fest 73 in Penn. I was mentored by Chuck Harrison (now a Pastor in Va.) and I was involved in B.A.S.I.C. (Brothers and Sisters in Christ). I read my Bible, joined 1st Baptist Church of Norfolk where my English teachers husband, Rev. Paul Mims was Pastor. I received my calling to be a Pastor in the 1st year of my salvation. I met Alicia Biggs there and later married her.
Prodigal Son
But High School can take its toll on a young Christian and I was no exception. I got involved in drugs and alcohol, like many do. I was very active sexually. My neighborhood friends rode Harleys and my closest buds drove custom vans. The scene in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", where the main characters spill out of the side of a van along with excessive amounts of marijuana smoke was like a page out of my life. I married Alicia and we had a beautiful son "Christopher Ryan Carawan". The problems that we faced in our marriage were the typical ones that most couples face, money, commitment, time, jobs, immaturity… Our marriage didn’t survive and we later divorced. We never made Christ the "Center" of our marriage. We both knew Him but we were not sold out for Him. After the nightmare of divorce and all that it does to a person, I was bitter, drugged out and, anxious to take it out on every woman I could. I bought my first Harley and began selling Pot. I later began to sell Coke for a little while and made deliveries from my Harley. I carried a Glock in my vest, a .25 in my boot, a boot knife in the other, a switchblade in my pocket and a butterfly knife in my back pocket. I was armed and dangerous (mostly to myself!). I worked for several companies and did a descent job but I was never satisfied. This miserable state of affairs went on for some time. I lived in an apartment a block off the beach in Ocean View (Norfolk, Va.). There I met some great people, mostly Navy wives as the husbands were on extended overseas duty. Later I lived with a woman for a while there in O.V., that didn’t work either. I was searching for my heart and not finding it. That was about the time I went to work for Boddie-Noell, more commonly recognized as "Hardee’s" restaurants. I was a "Fast Track" manager and met Ellen Hardy there. Ellen was one of the corporate trainers. We fell in love and began a long distance relationship because at that time she lived in Rocky Mount NC. After about a year, we got married and were living in Roanoke, Va. Moving away from all of the influences on my life in Norfolk was a great move. I began to clean up my act for the sake of our marriage as God gently worked on my heart. Little did I know that God was working on Ellen’s heart too! She was a born-again Christian who was not walking with the Lord either. The thing is, neither of us had talked to one another about Jesus!
God Gets My Attention
Ellen and I were talking about having a baby. She felt as if something were missing in her life and thought that it was a baby. I said that if we had a baby, it would change everything. It would be a good change, but it would change. My son Chris was living with his mom and so this was a difficult venture for me. I missed him and loved him and now we were looking at having a child of our own. This is where Ellen and I look back and see God’s hand in our lives, moving us closer to Him and to each other. We got pregnant and then had a miscarriage. This was of course a heart breaking matter, each of us secretly wondering if God were punishing us for our lifestyles. Ellen became pregnant again and once again miscarried. The third miscarriage resulted in a mishap in the operating room during the DNC. The doctor had punctured her uterine wall and of necessity had to call in a specialist. Mean while, I was unaware of what was going on but I was panicked over the extreme length of time this was all taking. I was praying and promising hard to God. The concern was a possibility of punctured bowl. They in essence, removed and examined all of her bowl and then replaced it and sowed her up. Due to this operation, Ellen was laid up recovering for 8 weeks. Many months later, Ellen shared with me that God had revealed to her that it was not a baby missing in her life, it was Him.
Separately, we both prayed to God that if He would grant us this child, we would raise that child in a Christian home. We were committed to being committed to God. So we now have a beautiful daughter by the name of Kayla. She has the most incredible copper/red hair and hazel eyes. She is 13years old now and she loves God. It is true that God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts. If we seek Him earnestly, we will find Him. If we don’t want anything to do with Him, He will grant that to us also.
Sold Out Jesus Freak
In seeking God with our whole hearts we have found peace, joy, satisfaction and completeness. God has used us in the church and He has used us in the community as His witnesses. We are sold out, on fire, committed, dedicated, died in the wool, born again, evangelical, conservative, fundamental, Southern Baptists.
Vocation And Education
When we made the decision to commit our lives to Christ completely I also gave into the calling to serve Him vocationally full time. But God has a wonderful sense of timing and humor. I had made Him wait for years and so now it was His turn! I begged and pleaded, I petitioned and asked others to petition on my behalf for Him to free me from secular employment and enter into a seminary. He closed the door on every institute of higher education that I sought until I tried Liberty University. God made everything fall into place, from books, to car, to mileage, to job. Jesus has been so very good to us. He meets our needs in every way and we love Him. I am the Associate Pastor of CommUNITY Church in Salem VA and Asst. Manager at LifeWay Christian Bookstore in Roanoke VA.
Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us to be able to spend eternity with Him in heaven. We have the freedom to accept this precious gift of eternal life which is only available through the shed blood of Jesus, or we can reject Him. Rejecting Jesus is the only unpardonable sin.
What will you do with Jesus?
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